Which daughter of yours is eldest
-the black one or the fair one -asked a whale like lady to my mom. We were
on visit to a funeral in our village. My elder sister was fair genetically
similar to my mom and I was dark genetically similar to my dad by skin-membrane
and intellectually complementary to my mom. The distributions of these traits
were quite evident, if Genetic stats are to be calculated. However the question
quite weird for the current occasion, my mum responded "the girl with
curly hair is eldest" and winked at me. I chuckled
This catastrophe hit her eyes which got
squeezed and with collapsed jaw she exclaimed, oh!! The
black one, than with a pause continued, actually we are looking for your fair girl
for a marriage alliance, if you agree we would proceed further, she said
giving a blissful glance to my sister. In return my sister gave a twisted nose look.
Mum said “But how could we proceed? She is the youngest. We could wait until
your black girl gets married" voluminous lady both in talk and fatty acid
was not ready to leave without a reward. Well how’s the groom? My mom inquired.
Boastfully she narrated well! He is an engineer started working with
L& T this year and drawing handsome salary. No No you got me wrong my
Mom interrupted, by appearance, is he black or fair? Well he is black said
the lady. Now there my mum jumps down her throat ready for a fanciful
reply. I never doubt my mum brain, the lighting speed it functions. Hummm
....then why I should give my fair daughter to him? Well we will not give any
of our daughters to him my mom voice turned comical, logic right! We both sisters
could not stop laughing.The roly-poly lady tapped her foot and
paced away
The two words FAIR and DARK are extensively
exercised in the dictionary of Northern plains comparatively to Deccan plateau
of India
Do I really have to do this? I whispered to my
sister. Of course you have to, they will be soon arriving! She said giving me
stern look. I got up and pulled out the purple color and only dress out of my
luggage to get ready for a matrimony proposal from my uncle's side on the
chilling winter days. What’s this color? Couldn’t you find a better one! My
sister was loud “you look dark in this color’, her eyes filled with worry. I am
dark for
Soon my aunt sitting beside said “better
you apply some fairness cream it will lighten up your color to fair". I
wish I could sue fairness cream companies, they spread more racism and
discrimination, I thought and said “I cannot be pseudo-face (false face) like an
amoeba who is pseudopodia (false feet)." These scientific words bounced my
aunt's brain
My mom interrupted “How many times I have
told you not to talk to Aunt in scientific language when you will stop being
mischievous “?, than turned to aunt and said do not get into her nerve,
Trust me she is a rebel. My aunt was salient for a while.
Soon the groom arrived accompanied with
relative from all the sphere of his life. Before my departure for the voyage, many mandate advises were given, do not look straight in eyes, be very clam
while speaking and last but not the least bend your head
Soon I was in front of them obeying all the sanction
sentenced. Lowering my eyes along with my head. Could not guess which would
fall first my eyes, brain, or altogether head I was only counting number of ants
crawling on the floor. I could listen to my siblings laugh at backyard window.
The first remark of the ongoing opera was
“Well girl is not that dark, as seen in photograph she sent last month".
There again I clinched my fists. Than the oldest man turned around and asked
"girl did you deliberately sent your darkest photo ", how did you manage
to do so? That was clicked during summer and in that season our melanocytes do
get active, secreting melanin pigment and skin looks dark. This help to absorb UV radiation,
that’s why dark people have less chances of skin cancer I said, simultaneously
decomposing with outrage as dark as thunder but had to be a silent
spectator on wards , as could sense mum big eyes staring me.
After my job profile and salary were reveled, my sister in law
took me, by my arm and I slowly walked back to pavilion. The moment inside, I fell on my sister's lap and gave a relaxed breathing. She was happy revolving
her finger over my curly hair. Soon this was interpreted by my brother in law rough
voice; they wish to see the girl in saree now. Really why so? I raised a question.
He sighed and replied you were wearing three- forth sleeve dress, they
could not view ,if you have the same skin color on arms, similar to face too .This
added insult to my injuries and I gave mourning look to my mom. She said
nothing
And there comes my aunt speaking "
see beta, you are a girl and adjustment is in your fate". Ohh I did not
knew I'm a girl and regarding adjustment ,it is required where u save
something, what I’m saving here? I said quite disturbed You are question bank!! hurry up, wear one saree of your babhi. Aunty was quite impatient, as
there were regular signal from the panel sitting outside. Bhabi was quick
enough to select one, and there comes the antique caption, pick the color in
which she does not look dark. My face was burning like
charcoal ready to burn
the entire universe. As this attire was quite unfamiliar for me, it took
ages to walk down from bedroom to hall, longest walk of my life. All the
accomplishments, studies, talent and achievement got trapped in 5and half
yardcloth that was covering me.I felt like an alien, a big zero.
The only remnant left was black hole of universe revolving around nearly
engulfing my pride, my self-respect, self-esteem and all the Self word of
dictionary
At last verdict was out. I was selected in
CME-Civil Marriage Exam. All were delighted,except me. When my
views were asked I said NO a big black dark an ugly NO
Soon there was a round table conference with
all relative busy escalating to my mum. I was being asked reasons for it. I
said if someone is so confuse/interested/questionable on skin color they should
defiantly get married to the skin color they are sure of. White, brown, whitish, blue, green, or whatever they wish. I cannot dye myself, I was furious The focal
point of the entire discussion was black vs fair. How many times my color has to questioned? Why the boy has to get adjusted with my skin color for the sake of
his family? He should not regret in future for bringing a black queen I said adjusting my hair
At night mom came to me and asked why you are
rigid on your decision? Didn't you like the boy? I took her hand and said Mom
it's not about the boy, everyone has their choices, I respect and
appreciate it. But I respect myself more. How can I survive in society where color of skin is at stake? It’s us who have to lead our life and if at very
initial phase life starts with adjusting things we do not like in each other,will lead us to a burden-full tomorrow. Should I be penalized for the things I cannot
change? You never saw a difference or commented any time, who are they? I was
feeling like an abandoned soul, my eyes went teary. She hugged me and I was relaxed
and as calm as sea
However suggestion were still pouring in - like
don’t allow her to work anymore. Why you made your daughter educated, some even
said is she waiting a groom to land from America for her? I heard and
giggled with my nephew Kanah, who in turn said," I know why you are not
agreeing to marry this guy" I gave a surprise look, he continued
because you don't want to wear saree after marriage right ?. But it's OK it's, your choice after all it’s your life. He was 6 at that time. I wish, entire
world to turn 6
Certain social stigma are so deep rooted that it's difficult to overcome them. They are like scar.The best remedies to overcome any
social stigma is turning yourself parasite, stay with them eat and destroy them every time they emerge. Defend yourself, make your personality worthy, learn to pamper, love and
forgive yourself. Be what you are, not too stubborn neither too flexible, but there
is a word exist -adjustment. But for adjustment do not mistreat your-self,
hamper or blemish.
Adjustment are always done when you have to
preserve something be it Job, money, relationship, life but never at the cost of your pride,
esteem and more importantly yourself.
